Veterans Archives: Preserving the Stories of our Nations Heroes
In a world where storytelling has been our link to the past since the days of cave drawings, there exists a timeless tradition. It's the art of passing down knowledge, and for Military Veterans, it's a crucial piece of their legacy. Join us on the Veterans Archives Podcast, where we dive deep into the heartwarming and awe-inspiring stories of those who served, no matter when or where.
Here, Veterans get the chance to be the authors of their own narratives. Through guided interviews in a relaxed and safe environment, they paint their experiences with their own words and unique voices. The result? A memory card in a presentation box, a precious gift they can share however they please.
But that's not all. These stories find a secure home in our archive, a treasure chest of experiences for future generations to explore. The best part? It's all a gift to the Veteran – our way of saying thank you for their service.
Tune in to the Veterans Archives Podcast, where history, heroism, and heartwarming tales come to life.
Veterans Archives is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Please visit our website for more information. www.veteransarchives.org
Veterans Archives: Preserving the Stories of our Nations Heroes
Brian Daniels: Defying the Odds and Leading with Heart
What if your toughest obstacles became the catalysts for your greatest transformations? Today, we invite Brian Daniels, a former United States Army member, to take us on a deeply personal journey from his challenging childhood in Lansing, Michigan, to his inspiring life as a veteran and community leader. Listen closely as Brian recounts the complexities of growing up with an abusive father, the joy of fleeting moments like playing ping pong, and the profound bond he shared with his resilient mother. You'll also hear about Brian’s siblings, each with their own unique struggles and paths.
Inspired by a friend's military dress greens, Brian made a split-second decision that led him to Fort Sill, Oklahoma, where he faced the grueling trials of basic training and the camaraderie that emerged from those tests. His poignant narrative includes a traumatic IED attack that changed his life forever, sparking a journey of recovery marked by both physical and emotional scars. Through raw and heartfelt storytelling, Brian discusses his battles with survivor's guilt and his eventual redemption found through personal training and establishing his gym, Empower Lansing.
Brian’s story doesn’t end there. Post-military life brought its own set of challenges and triumphs, from navigating complex family dynamics and evolving relationships to becoming an impassioned activist after the death of George Floyd. Brian’s aspirations to influence change as the future executive director of the VFW National Home reflect his steadfast commitment to empathy and continuous personal growth. This episode is a testament to the unyielding power of resilience, the importance of community, and the transformative journey of healing and empowerment.
Today is Thursday, July 18th 2024. Our guest is Brian Daniels, who served in the United States Army. So, Brian, we're going to start out super simple. When and where were you?
Speaker 2:born. I was born in Lansing, Michigan April 18th 1986. It was a Friday, Three years after I graduated high school. I'm young or you're old or both.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a combination of both, I think they're not mutually exclusive. So let's talk a little bit about some of your first memories. What was it like growing up? Brian Daniels.
Speaker 2:Um, chaotic, I would say, um, my, okay. So my earliest memory is um, honestly, my father was uh, he was pretty abusive um, to my mother and my siblings and myself. And my first memory is I was in kindergarten. I was afraid of the dark and I crawled in bed with my mom. And my dad came home from working third shift and he took me out and threw me in the dumpster, because boys aren't afraid of the dark, and so I crawled out of the dumpster, I woke up and, as I crawled out, my mom saw me and that's when she left my dad.
Speaker 1:Wow, Okay, so let's talk about your mom and dad.
Speaker 2:a little bit Jumping right into it. Yeah, let's, just let's unpack that.
Speaker 1:Good luck, yeah. So tell me about your, tell me about your dad, other than he threw you in a dumpster. What did he do and what was he like? And was he throwing people in a dumpster all the time, or was there times where he wasn't throwing?
Speaker 2:people in a dumpster, you know what. So I always try to qualify telling that story with like. My father is a very different person now. Back then he drank a lot. He grew up in a classically abusive household and so he was just repeating patterns. He was the first black vice president of the UAW 1753. He worked at General Motors at the parts plant in Lansing and retired from there. He was a GM guy through and through. So I grew up the same way. Yeah, blue collar family Right.
Speaker 1:And so what about your mom?
Speaker 2:Um, so my mother was a school teacher, uh, and then she realized she doesn't like kids but she had six of us. So she said it was a lack of luck with birth control.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that's funny. So my, my daughter, is a school teacher and she doesn't. She doesn't have any children cause she doesn't like children, but she loves the kids that she teaches. Does that make sense? They go home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, they're the best kind. Exactly so my mom. She was a school teacher until, I think, mom, when she left my father she worked at Meijer and stuff, but we'll get into it later. But there's plenty of other drama. She ended up not working for a long time. I see.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to ask you kind of a tough question here.
Speaker 2:You can ask me anything, you want.
Speaker 1:I think our parents are never the same people they were when we were growing up 100% Because we could tell stories, right, yeah. So tell me one thing that you remember about your father when you were a kid. That's a good memory.
Speaker 2:Well, my father was a semi-pro ping pong player, so we would go. It would always be all these small Asian guys and then my big, big black six, three foot dad on a ping pong table. So that was always something that I always really enjoyed and he was. I mean, he was a lot of fun. He was like a big kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. When it was fun, it was fun, and exactly when it wasn't, it wasn't exactly. So what about your mom? Like what's a, what's a great early memory of your mom?
Speaker 2:Oh, um, so I I'm the fourth of six kids and so, um, I always tried to just stay out of the way. My mom and I have a special relationship. I've always been a mama's boy, so for me it was like laying in my mom's lap. I used to have long curly hair until sixth grade, so it's just laying in my mom's lap and just getting that little bit of peace I had is my favorite memory. Honestly, she was so busy with the rest of them. I just try to stay out of the way, so fourth out of six kids does that?
Speaker 1:do you think that puts you in like that middle child? Oh I have middle child syndrome. Hardcore for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it kind of sounded that way. Absolutely no, um, I've, I've, I've learned to own it and understand it. Um, my, um, my older siblings, though the age range is pretty vast. My mom had her first kid at, I believe, 19, and then she had her last kid at 41. And so the age range is so vast.
Speaker 1:My older brother was, you know, grown and out of the house when I was coming up. Okay, and this is a great segue, right, I want to learn a little bit about your siblings. So let's just work through the birth order there, the first to the last, and we don't have to spend 10 hours on it, but I want to get a feel, for you know who your family was, no problem.
Speaker 2:So I always say that we're a textbook case of dysfunction. My older brother, jonathan he joined the military. He joined the Navy out of high school. He was on a nuclear submarine, developed schizophrenia, beat up his commanding officer, got kicked out of the military and has been kind of a recluse since. My mother is very close with him, but really just my mother is close with him. He's just not good at social interaction, hasn't taken care of himself. My two older brothers they have a different father than I do and their father went to prison for raping boys. So I think, like you know, when we step back and we look at them, we're like, okay, this all makes sense now, but at the time it was just chaos. So Jonathan, that's Jonathan.
Speaker 2:Jeremy, um, uh is, uh, he works at Meyer. He works at a Meyer warehouse. He was one of the first gay marriages in Ingham County when it was legalized, um, and I think that they have the longest marriage of anybody in my family at this point. And Jeremy is, we're not close at all. Again, the age range is just too vast. And then I mean, how real do you want me to get right now? Because I'll tell you anything you want to know.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, we can get as real as we need to be, Understanding that other people will listen to this. So if there's things that you don't really want other people to know, that's fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But to get to know who you are, it's kind of important to know, know certain things.
Speaker 2:So you know there's a, there's, there's a lot of in this. Of the six kids, the, the older three talk more and thus younger three talk more. Jeremy, my second brother, he, he he's not involved a lot with the younger three of us, so you know I see him at holidays or funerals, but that's really about it. And then my older sister, robin, I would say, had the hardest dealt hand that I've known as a person. We, when she was, I believe, 15 years old, at an apartment complex, we were living in an apartment complex in Okemos and the maintenance man sexually molested her and he ended up going to prison. But it created a lot of mental health struggles that my sister's never really been able to recover from. And because of those struggles we were, we, we were, we had a lot of instability and eventually ended up homeless. And that's actually how we came to live at the VFW National Home.
Speaker 1:So instability and eventually ended up homeless, and that's actually how we came to live at the VFW national home. So, okay, all right. So I mean it's listened to. The first three things were pretty rough, let's uh. So then you were born.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was the only and I'll repeat that, the only planned birth my mother had.
Speaker 1:So you hold a special place in her heart. I try to hold that over my siblings as well, I mean most of the time I would just tell my siblings that they were adopted. But you can go. Hey, I was the only planned one.
Speaker 2:I was the only planned one Nice, my father wanted a son. Yeah, so I was born in 86, and I really feel lucky as a millennial to have got to have a childhood that had very minimal video game and computer exposure. And then, you know, in my teenage years PlayStation was getting bigger and I got to actually like get into that, but I still had what I think was like a classic American childhood.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Which is not necessarily a bad thing. No, no. So then you have. So who's the next?
Speaker 2:one on the list, kelly, who I think is the most talented of us. She can play any instrument. She can sing and act. She's just great. So she's living now in Grand Rapids. She has a few kids and she's helping take care of my father who has some pretty advanced dementia now. So Kelly has been a rock for us through all of the stuff with my father's health. And then the youngest is Andrea. She is a school teacher in Kalamazoo and her husband is an assistant coach for an ECHL team in Calgary. So he just got that job. He was the captain of the Kalamazoo K-Wings and then was the special teams coach and now he's in the ECHL. So it's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Wow, that is pretty cool. Now I got to ask, though with the youngest, does she exemplify the youngest child?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely, yeah. I mean, her life was completely different. Her childhood wasn't nearly as unstable. She, she went to grand ledge. Elementary, middle and high school. Her, her whole experience was so different. Um, but she's the funniest of us by far. She has a very great dry wit. Well, that's good.
Speaker 1:That's good. So let's talk about a little bit about what you kind of alluded to Um. You know there's six kids and um, so at the time that you became homeless, so what, what was the cause of your homelessness?
Speaker 2:So so my mother you know, my mother had left my father, my older brothers were gone by then, and so there's four of us, robin, who's struggling with her mental health issues. She became anorexic and then bulimic, and the lack of fat in her brain caused, uh, schizophrenia. So then she was in my uh, pine rest mental institution and my mother had to miss so much work she ended up getting fired and so we had nowhere to go and no money to get there. What was that like, uh, and how old were you? I was in fifth grade. Okay, I was in fifth grade, uh, going into sixth, it was. I was in the middle of fifth grade, okay, I was in fifth grade, going into sixth, it was. I was in the middle of fifth grade.
Speaker 2:It was really confusing. You know, when you don't come from money, it's, you get used to it after a while, right, but also, I, like I had just I credit my mom so much. She never let us feel like we were really going without. How she pulled that off. I'll never know us feel like we were really going without. How she pulled that off, I'll never know. But, um, christmas Eve of 1996, um, yeah, yeah, christmas Eve in 96, my mom had to pawn what jewelry she had left and she got us a hotel room and then she went out and she bought Christmas presents and we woke up to a hotel room like in a Roach motel full of Christmas presents and it was like that. You know, that kind of that kind of stuff really stuck with me. She's always figured out a way to make it work and I'm happy that she's like happily retired and just enjoying her days as a pothead hippie.
Speaker 1:Well good, Good for her hippie, Well good, good for her. And, and I, you know, I can't even imagine what it's like to be that young and not have a home to go to. How long were you homeless?
Speaker 2:You know great question. A long time it must've seemed like yeah, I mean it was. It was a couple of months of us like staying in a van or crashing on people's couches and stuff, until we ended up moving to the national home okay and and let's just kind of go right into that so you came to live at the vfw national home um a while ago.
Speaker 1:It's where you work now. But we're going to get into that, yeah, in just a moment. Uh, so what was it like coming here? I know what it's like coming here every day to work, but what's it like coming to the national home as a kid? Coming here every day to work? But what's it like coming to the national home as a kid?
Speaker 2:you've been living in a van, you've been couch surfing I mean I felt like I felt like we'd won the lottery. I, from that perspective, I I mean I'd lived in lansing my whole life. So moving out to the country was was a big culture shock for me. Um, being one of the only black kids in eat rapids was a big culture shock for me. Being one of the only black kids in Eaton Rapids was a big culture shock for me. But to all of a sudden have my own bedroom and getting paid allowance to do minor chores and having 400 acres to go play on, it was amazing. And food on your table.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, so you said it was a culture shock for you coming here. How do you think that culture shock was for your peers in a small town school who probably many of them now I know from my experience in the military there are a lot of people. This really surprises me, because I grew up in Lansing too. There are people who've never even seen a black person. Yeah Right, and I got to assume that maybe you ran into that when you were out here, you know.
Speaker 2:I think what? What surprised people most is, you know, so I'm mixed and my father being the first black vice president of 1753, he, he was really good at assimilating Right. So he didn't. He didn't sound quote unquote black. There was no ebonics, there was no um, like slang was frowned upon in my household. And so, um, I come from, you know, a black family that moved up from the South to for General Motors and worked at Buick and they lived in an upper class neighborhood and they were the first black family on that street. So, um, I didn't sound or act how people thought I would, and I think that at first I was put into a box that I didn't fit in and they didn't know how to deal with that. Um, and then everyone realized that I really sounded and act like them and I love hockey and, um, it wasn't until I start trying to, you know, date girls that my race becomes an issue.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, right. There are times when that that can be a problem.
Speaker 1:I mean, we have to be honest about that. You know it's interesting. You say that I have a friend who I won't mention his name, but he had an interaction with someone one time and he had talked to them on the phone. He said I'll be over in a minute to help you out with this thing. Someone one time and he had talked to them on the phone. He said I'll be over in a minute to help you out with this thing. And he shows up at the house this guy's never met. Before he shows up knocking the door, the guy answers the door and goes oh, you didn't sound black on the phone yeah, what does that even mean?
Speaker 1:what the hell's black on the phone? I have no idea right. So when I hear someone say I didn't sound black or you don't sound black, that that doesn't resonate with me, because we all have our own way of speaking and doing the things. That we do, but it sounds like you made friends out here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did. I mean, at least you know, during my time here it was no, you know, it was no secret that the VFW kids were poor, right, so I think you're automatically put in back then at least you were put into different categories in school and you had different friends. But I had a couple of really good friends here who I've kept in touch with a bit. But there are a couple of people who lived here with me that I'm friends with still, and for me living at the National Home, you never felt poor. For me living at the National Home, you never felt poor you know.
Speaker 1:I think that this place gives an opportunity to children that most people would dream of. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean again, when I come here every day and drive through those gates, it's like going back in time, I know it really is, and in a good way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I always tell people on tours it's the last place in America you can ride your bike safely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I always tell people on tours it's the last place in America you can ride your bike safely. Yeah, yep, and you can tell when the streetlights come on too. That's when you go home. Well, you were here for a couple of years. Kind of walk me through like a day in the life of a kid here at the VFW National Home, and what was that like for you?
Speaker 2:Well, you know, for me we have to, we have to rewind and accept that I was here in a different, you know, for me we have to, we have to rewind and accept that I was here in a different, you know, different era, different leadership. The programs here were different. They used to have a residential program with. It was basically like an orphanage, and so when I lived here, you had natural kids like me, and then you had res kids, and the res kids were privy to more opportunities, more activities. Um, and so we were always, uh, we knew, as natural kids that, because we had our one of our parents with us, that we there were things that we weren't going to get to do. Um, that being said, you know I was still out every day riding my bike, playing in the community center. Um, I won my first ping pong tournament there. Uh, going out to the pond and fishing. It would just do everything I could all day long until, like you said, the streetlights came on and then I would just have to be in my yard, Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah and uh. So you, you were here um for a few years, uh, getting your mom getting her feet back underneath her, all of those things, uh, so what happened? Why?
Speaker 2:did you transition out and what was that like for you? So, during Michigan Day 1999, my would-be stepfather was the post commander of the Charlotte Post and he was dressed up as a clown and making balloon animals and he hit on my mom and less than three months later they were married. And yeah, and so we ended up moving to grand ledge, cause that's where Tom Kirby lived and that's where I ended up graduating high school.
Speaker 1:He must be a heck of a guy, because I I think like if I'm in a clown outfit and I've got the the chutzpah for lack of a better way to say it to make it known that I like somebody, and they like me back even though I'm wearing this clown costume man, that's something.
Speaker 2:Hey, my mom is weird, no, but I mean Tom, tom was charming my mom and Tom. Their chemistry was instant and it was really intense. Unfortunately, as a teenager, you have to hear these things in the house. It was awful, but, but like they were really, they really did love one another. And tom was a vietnam vet, uh, who had his own issues a lot of vietnam vets did you know? So we, we weren't really that close until after I came home from iraq okay, and now you moved to um grand ledge.
Speaker 1:What, what grade would you have been in?
Speaker 2:I? I yeah, I was in Eaton Rapids in 6th, 7th and 8th. So I moved in 8th grade to Grand Ledge and then finished high school in Grand Ledge.
Speaker 1:So that's almost a privilege these days, right? Absolutely, especially if you're living a chaotic childhood To be able to have that much time in one school and be able to graduate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I went to four elementary schools. It was being able to have that much time in one school and be able to graduate. I went to four elementary schools, you know. So it was being able to stay there. That's why I always say I'm from Grand Ledge, because that's where I spent a majority or the most like stable time and then so when did you graduate?
Speaker 1:Graduated in 2004. Okay, and what was so? What was junior high and high school like for?
Speaker 2:you, I was every pretty girl's best friend, you know, being the fourth of six, being shy, I wasn't strong and athletic, so I was just friends with everybody. I was what I was called myself a floater. I didn't really have a group. I had a couple of really close friends that I'm still close with, and for me, I had ADHD, but my mom didn't believe in medication, so my grades were not great, but my teachers always loved me and my participation was always great. So for me it was always a battle to just sit in a classroom and that was something that until I was in my late 20s, I didn't even realize was ADHD.
Speaker 2:Thank God for my therapist, but I, for me, it was just trying to survive school. My mom, you know you, you look back and you wish your parents would have pushed you a little differently. Um, my, my parents didn't have the highest expectations and I think that that you know. I see how that affected me, and so I'm definitely different with my son. Um, but for my mom it was like if you pass, you're good, if I don't have to get called down to the school, you're good, and so I'm pretty sure I was like a C, c minus student.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh yeah. So I want to back up a little bit too.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:This is kind of funny to me. So, for different reasons, we led the same childhood. In junior, high and high school, I was always the short, fat kid and so, um, yes, I hung out with very pretty women all the time, but it was always just friends. But here's the thing they would tell me everything I learned, learned more about women in that period of time, and then I learned the whole rest of my life and I learned what people liked and what they didn't like. And because when you're a friend man, you hear everything.
Speaker 1:Was that your experience?
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely, and I think that that made me that definitely like, prepared me to be a good partner moving forward, but also just knowing how to actually talk to a woman and then not being afraid to talk to a woman, I definitely appreciated that, you know. Looking back though, there I can, I think I remember, like everybody's ex-boyfriend, and what they did wrong still Right.
Speaker 1:Right, right. I guess you know that kind of experience can make you a manipulative ass too. We've all been down that road. But but yes, for the most part it does make you a good partner. So so you get through. You get through high school, you graduate. Now what happens?
Speaker 2:So I graduated high school. I started going to school at LCC because everyone said that I needed to go to college, and I started interning with ESPN holding the boom mic at the Michigan state games and that was a lot of fun. But in doing so I I fell into the same routine, which was just class was hard for me. If I sit down in the classroom, I just immediately want to fall asleep. So I started to struggle in school and I found out that I'm very good at blackjack. So I would go up to the casino and I would just stay up at the casino and I would make hundreds and hundreds of dollars and then I would come back and I would maybe go to class once or twice and then I'd go back to the casino and I was like this is not good, a buddy of mine. So I actually wanted to join the military in high school.
Speaker 2:But my mother is, like I mentioned earlier, she is a hippie in every sense of the word and so she was very much against it. And you know this is peak Iraq and Afghanistan. So my high school girlfriend at the time she didn't want me to go. And well, I'm in this routine of going to the casino instead of going to school. And, uh, a friend of mine joined. I didn't know he joined, but he joined and he showed up in his dress greens and he knocked on my door and I literally answered the door and I go, where do I sign up?
Speaker 2:And we went down to the recruiting station and I signed up and I didn't tell anybody that I was leaving until I was leaving on December 27th. And I told everybody on Christmas, cause I didn't want to get shit for it. Obviously I did. And then one of the things my mom was like you're going to get yourself killed. My dad was like what, do you want to get blown up? And then obviously, as we'll find out later, I did. He felt terrible about it. Right, I thought it was hilarious.
Speaker 1:It's funny, but it's not right. But I think when you live through something it you have a different perspective.
Speaker 2:You have to. You have to have a morbid sense of humor, or otherwise it'll kill you, you do you do.
Speaker 1:That's why, when my son and I get, together at the holidays our family looks at us really funny, absolutely yeah, he you leave right in the Christmas season then, yes, where'd you go to basic.
Speaker 2:I went to basic at Fort Sill, oklahoma, home of the field artillery. So you know I didn't really know what to anticipate. Again, I came out of high school like softer than tissue paper. I couldn't do a push-up to save my damn life. And so the red phase of basic training was tragically hard for me. I cried, I wanted to die.
Speaker 1:I hated it so much.
Speaker 2:And your mom's lap wasn't there, by the way, and my mom's lap was not there, guys, and my high school sweetheart wasn't there and I was just struggling and then my step developed cancer and so my drill sergeant came in and I remember we were like out in the field doing some sort of exercise and he he came and he was like listen, you can go home, but if you quit, you'll quit forever. And so I didn't and I finished and it like in that moment, changed everything. All of a sudden I could run and pass my PT test and it just it turned something on in me and so I was all in and I think that it was just. I just had never had anybody do that for me, I'd never been challenged like that.
Speaker 1:That was some no shit, good advice right there, exactly, exactly. Cause he knew, yeah, that in that phase of basic training, if you can leave you, you're not coming back.
Speaker 2:You're not coming back.
Speaker 1:No, no, not at all. What? What were some of your? So we did? We kind of talked kind of high level about basic training, how it was difficult. What do you remember is like like maybe one or two of your biggest struggles in trying to get through basic training.
Speaker 2:Um, I think for me I was just a soft kid. So when these very large men are in my face screaming I'm noticeably scared. I couldn't stop shaking. They make you a soldier? You're not born one and I definitely was not born one. So for me it was just the intensity of the drill instructors. And then the physical demands. Again, I played roller hockey growing up, but we didn't have the money for me to do anything else, and so physically, I'd never been challenged like that and I'd never felt my legs sore like that and I'd never really been sleep challenged like that and I just I'd never felt my legs sore like that and I'd never you know, I'd never really been sleep deprived like that. So it was just the mental and physical anguish of it was harder than I anticipated.
Speaker 1:But on some level it feels really good. Oh, I loved it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean looking back, you know, looking back they. They were building me and I. I needed to be built, so I'm very thankful for it, but damn, it was hard.
Speaker 1:Well, if you look at the promise of basic training, right, it's to break people down and build them back up. Now I'm I wonder, like we could hypothesize on this Do you think it's harder for someone? I'll say like you and I, cause when I went to basic training I was not a tough guy at all. I was still not really a tough guy but do you think that it's harder for the people who are prepared than it is for the people who are not prepared?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, I think. I mean, I think that we were moldable. You know, we're like soft as Play-Doh, but you get those guys who think they're hot shit already and think that everything's going to come easy, and then it doesn't, and that's a. It's a lot harder for them mentally than it is us.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, they're used to just being able to do it Exactly so. Did you make some? Did you make some?
Speaker 2:lasting friendships in basic yeah, so in basic training. Um my uh, one of the guy like in the next bunk over his name was Andrew grit Savage. Uh, he and I ended up being stationed together and he was one of the guys that saved my life.
Speaker 1:Oh, all right, I can't wait to get to that part of the story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's going to be good yeah.
Speaker 1:So clearly. You made it through basic training. What was your MOS and where did you go to AIT and all that?
Speaker 2:stuff. So I was 13 Bravo Field Artillery. My AIT was at Fort Sill. It was like that combination that started AIT right after like that combination that like started AIT right after Um. And then I was stationed uh at first three 20th field artillery out of Fort Campbell, kentucky, and uh, I'm so very thankful that I was. I remember getting you know, you get your orders and basic and I I was so excited to be 101st and um and it would graduate. I show up uh at fort campbell and the first person to walk in and come get me is a guy named sergeant forbis, josh forbis, and uh, he had had his first his face burned off, uh in a helicopter accident on november 15th 2003. And so he walks in with like a messed up face and I was like what the fuck have I done? Sorry if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2:I was like it was like what have I done?
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:Uh, but uh, you know, again, I was just. I was surrounded by great leadership. You know a lot of people will complain in the military about their leadership. That's not one thing I would ever do. Those, those men were awesome Well.
Speaker 1:I'm going to ask a really stupid question. Go for it.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe there's no stupid question. I get a stupid answer. There's some inquisitive idiots, though I like that.
Speaker 1:So you talked about coming to eat rabbits from Lansing, right, and you're like the only black guy here, yep. Then you go to Fort Sill, oklahoma uh, not exactly the bastion of African-American society. And then you end up in Fort Campbell, kentucky, and I don't want to dwell on this at all, but I'm guessing that you got this whole different kind of education about human relationships that maybe some of your friends who just stayed in one spot didn't get.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm a master code switcher. I can definitely hold my own in most rooms, but overall, I would say the number one thing that I took away from it was people everywhere are equally broken.
Speaker 1:Well, and I don't want to have this whole discussion, it's just I got to ask these questions. So you know, I, I know that in growing up and some of the things that I did, it was important for me to see people like me being successful, and so I I don't know how I would have done if I hadn't had those examples. Yeah, and so how was that for you? Because you're, you're successful, I mean. So you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So that's why I always say I'm so thankful for those men and I wouldn't change anything about my military experience, even though it ended so badly. Right Was they were. Let me rewind really quickly. My best friend, brian. His father was an incredible father figure for me.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:In high school, toward the end of high school, but these men were the first people to really challenge me and hold expectation of me, and I think that I really needed that. And so, all of a sudden, I'm surrounded by you know, and it wasn't just white guys. I'm surrounded by you know, and it wasn't just white guys, these strong black and white men who all have, you know, different ages and different living situations, and all of them were so put together and I think I really needed to see that. So, for me, every one of them were instrumental into who I am now. So I'm successful because of them.
Speaker 1:And maybe I'm full of crap here, but in the military, in the time that I spent both in the Navy and in the army, uh, there was not the type of racism that I saw outside of the military. I'm not saying it didn't exist, but it was. It was just different. I think we treated people equally poorly and that's equally poorly is what matters.
Speaker 2:And so I mean, in the military, you're not going to avoid a racist joke. I mean, my section chief was he's from West Virginia and half of my unit's from Texas, and so you hear things, but at the same time, all that we cared about was that we were brothers, right, and that transcended everything, which really makes racism itself look pretty stupid. If you can put on a uniform and it's all of a sudden it doesn't matter, maybe it doesn't matter at all anyway, yeah, just throwing it out there.
Speaker 1:That's a possibility. Well, let's get into it. So you go to AIT, you go to your first duty station, and is this the time that you deploy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I mean, I was at Fort Campbell for three months before we deployed. I remember our first sergeant, first Sergeant McKinley, walking out in front of us and saying, all right, we just got our orders. And I remember starting to shake and it was like, okay, this shit just got real. And I remember starting to shake and it was like, okay, this shit just got real. Yeah, um, it's not a movie, it's not a movie. And you know, I don't remember. I remember the night, uh, we left like really early morning and uh, there's a guy named uh, sergeant floyd, clarence levon floyd, and he, um, I remember I was like really scared before we got on the buses to go to the plane and he was like, listen, I'm gonna get you home. And I believed him and uh, so you know, we fly to what is it? Ireland, and then kuwait and uh shannon ireland.
Speaker 1:Is that where it was? Shannon ireland? Everyone goes to shannon.
Speaker 2:It's such a blur to me now, but I did buy a lucky, an Irish lucky penny when I was there and I kept it on my person and then I ended up being the only one that lived. So you do the math. Um, I uh. Um, you know, we get to Kuwait and I remember, I always I remember, like the first time that you opened the door at likem and it feels like an oven hit you in the face and it's just like where am I?
Speaker 1:So when people talk about dry heat so I remember getting to Kuwait First of all it's like being on Mars right, it's got that fine powdery sand and it's just ugh, Anyway. So yeah, I tell people, yeah, it's dry heat. Stick your head in the oven and then turn on a frigging hairdryer.
Speaker 2:Exactly, that's dry, that's my friend.
Speaker 1:And it's still. It sucks just as bad as not dry.
Speaker 2:It hurts. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, I'm with you. So we, uh, we go from Kuwait to Camp Taji, which is North of Baghdad. It's where Saddam's airfield was, um, and you, you know, we can get into that discussion another time, but they said there were no weapons of mass destruction, but people from Camp Taji keep dying of cancer.
Speaker 1:So Right, cool, yeah. What's going on, yeah?
Speaker 2:Let's talk about that later, though. So I get to Camp Taji and we, so we were in these trailers, which is nice, right? I'm not in one of those tents like a lot of people get stuck in.
Speaker 1:So you guys are in. Choose right the containerized housing units.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, and so we, uh, we broke in, we went over and took some of the air forces mattresses um and made our places a little nicer. And uh, yeah, so we were. Our um area of operation was just outside of Camp Taji, to the north, off of Route Tampa, and I can't remember the little towns anymore On a Google map, though I can show you exactly where I got blown up. But we started out just doing route patrols and for the first, yeah, the first 45 days, two and a half, the first two and a half months there, no one died. There would be shots taken and you know, everything kept missing us and you really get a memory with me and so I remember doing right seat, left seat and the first time we got shot at I'm ducking down, I'm in an up-armored Humvee.
Speaker 1:Nothing's going to hurt me and the commander that I was relieving kind of chuckled at me, and then fast forward to when it was time to come home. It was the same thing. It's amazing what you get used to in a very short period of time and, yes, you start to feel like ah, nothing can hurt me. Right, so you're 45 days. What year were you there? I'm sorry, 2005.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you were there just shortly before I was, yeah, deadliest months of Iraq and, um, so, november 5th, I'm sorry, my bad, uh, yeah, november 5th 2005. Um, we were our november, I'm sorry, november 3rd 2005. We were out, uh, out on a route patrol and we decided that we were going to pull over and use the metal detectors, like make sure the driveways and stuff were clear, and we ended up finding what was, at that time, the largest weapons cache in iraq, and so, um, I have a really cool video to show you some time of, uh, of that getting blown up by eod. Uh, and then all of it started falling on us, which was really entertaining.
Speaker 2:But but, like, yeah, so we just, you know, we were having fun, right, um, I don't know if you ever saw, like these mud huts that they would have built outside of actual houses, and so there, there was like five or six of these mud huts outside of this house that they'd been forced to leave, and so we were blowing off steam and we were throwing each other through the walls of these of these mud huts, and then the villagers got upset, right, and rightfully so, because now, if someone did that to my stuff, I, the villagers got upset Right, and it was their mud huts, and rightfully so, because now if someone did that to my stuff, I would shoot them myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, but looking back, I was a kid. We were just being dumb and inconsiderate. Um, but November 6th, uh, 2005,. Um, my platoon Sergeant, uh, his Humvee was hit with an ied and it was, I believe, it's going like 35 to 45 miles an hour and then it just flipped on his back, the gunner. He broke his back but lived. Um, but my, uh, my set, my platoon sergeant, smoke haze. He was killed instantly and that's when she got real right. All of a sudden, everything feels very different. Yeah, um, and that funeral I remember. You know, now I'm seeing all these grown men that I really look up to uh, bawling their eyes out. Smoke haze was one of the old school types. He would run at the front of the a group in PT with a mug and a cigarette in his hand and never fell out Like he was just the coolest hardcore dude and uh, so it it really, it really shook us, um.
Speaker 1:I've I've been to a lot of funerals, but there's something different about a funeral in Iraq.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:They're really, they're just in it and it's impactful.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I don't like going to funerals at all. I've lost a lot of friends since I got home, but it was the ones that I went to over there that I will never forget.
Speaker 2:And then they're like hey, get your helmet on, we got things to do, yeah, time to get back into it. And I think that that really does change you as a person longterm, because my ability to you know, take the punches and keep rolling, I think. I think a lot of that's attributed to what happens in the military.
Speaker 2:So let's get back to smoke I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I'm feeling it. So smoke Hayes he, his wife Kathy to this day is like the glue that holds that unit together and you know, it's been awesome to watch his kids grow up and have kids. And smoke haze was just, he was the first person to uh to challenge me in running, so like, yeah, I, I graduated basic but I still wasn't fast and I was, I was 18 and 19, like I should be faster. So he was like you run an a group, but I was like b group and he was like a group and I was like a group. It is, and I could argue with this guy Exactly Never fell out, like that was you know, I, I, just I was, I ended up in the right place and he was a hell of a leader.
Speaker 2:So we go out, um, that's, you know, november 6th. Uh, the days following, um, again, things are just quiet. Uh, there's, um, you know, you know, some some random route checks. Um, I got the nickname water boy because we like pulled a car over and we had to check through the vehicle and this guy had driven like 40 miles to get water and then I spilled it accidentally. Yeah, oh, that's bad, yeah, and so then they called me the water boy, from now on and then on.
Speaker 2:You don't get to pick your nickname, by the way, you don't get to pick your nickname, you just have to be careful, exactly. And so then, november 15th 2005,. We were on a route patrol between two checkpoints, checkpoint four and checkpoint six, and those mud huts that I told you about. Uh, there was a long driveway there and we had pulled over and got the um metal detector out and checked the driveway before, but we were literally parked on top of the IEDs when we did that.
Speaker 2:And so this day, when we went to turn around, someone set off three, one, five, five artillery rounds with a cell phone, and I was sitting Whenever you wind a sec. So we were doing route clearances that day and Greg, specialist Greg, was driving and he was like, man, I'm really tired, will you drive? And I said, dude, I was like I'm falling asleep too. I was like, can I have like an hour? And he's like, yeah, no problem. And so I get in behind him and we decided that we were going to turn around and go back to checkpoint four for food. So we turned around in that driveway and when we did, I look over at my Humvee and Grit Savage, the guy I told you about from basic training.
Speaker 2:He's the gunner on the other Humvee, and we always did that little rascals wave at each other and so he waved at me and I waved back at him and then I like settled into my seat and I started to put my head down and it felt like the truck dropped. Um, the only way I could explain it is like it dropped twice, like the right side dropped and then the left side dropped. And when it did that I looked up and over and sergeant east step, he curls into a ball and he sits back and explodes. And I scream and look over and I'm at our medic, doc holly, and he's on fire and I'm flying out of the truck.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I flew through the truck, I don't know if I opened the door. I know that when I twitch, to this day my body turns to the left and my head turns to the right and I knew what was happening in that moment. And when they talk about time slowing down, I mean what's happening is your adrenal glands are pumping, so much your brain's taking information and it seems like it's buffering like on a computer. So much your brain's taking information and it seems like it's buffering like on a computer. But I remember vividly all of these scenes. And then I hit the ground. I was thrown 150 feet from the truck and when I woke up my right foot was in my boot sitting to my left.
Speaker 2:I I woke up and I like knew what happened, but I like, I obviously and I like start patting my body and like a pat my face, and I feel, um, I feel that my face is burned. And then, when I get down to my hips, I can't feel below my hips and I start screaming for help. Um, and I mean, I didn't even really feel the pain yet, it was just fear. Um, I, I started screaming for help and Floyd, the guy who promised me that I'd get home, he heard me and ran over and put a tourniquet on my leg. Um, and then he was like. He was like I hear Roman, I have to go get Roman. And a guy named Groth like knelt down and Groth and I were not close and we haven't spoken since this night. Okay, um, but he held my hand and I was like I don't want to die and he's like just keep breathing, man. And Floyd, floyd had told me just keep breathing. And then Groth told me just keep breathing. And then, and, uh, grit, savage ran over and same thing, he was like battle, just keep breathing. And so I closed my eyes and like just keep breathing, just keep breathing, and I pass out. And when I woke up, uh, I woke up from the heat, from the rotors hitting my face and they're like all right, man, this is going to hurt. And when they picked me up, uh, on the gurney, my right foot fell off and swung and like that's when I, that's when the pain hit me, yeah, uh, the the only morphine that we had was on doc Holly, so it's gone Right. And so I get put on the, um, the black Hawk, and flown to, uh, to the green zone, to the hospital in the green zone.
Speaker 2:And as, as we're flying, um, roman has put it underneath me, and Roman was from Puerto Rico, and so when Roman would get hurt, he would speak Spanish, and me, being the 19 year old dickhead I was, I would always make fun of him. When he started speaking Spanish and I'm like bro, speak English, like what are you doing? And so, even on the helicopter, I'm like Roman, you have got to start speaking English. And just kind of razzing them. But I went into shock at this point and I don't remember any of it. When we get to the hospital, the guy in the helicopter turns to me and he's like dude, you're hilarious, don't die. Thanks for the advice. Right, I get put on a gurney and I remember them being all right, you're gonna go to sleep now and I feel like the warmth in my leg and I passed out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, I was asleep for 15 hours and in that time they tried to fly roman to balad uh, to a hospital there for a blood transfusion. He died in the air. And so when I woke up, um, my foot was like connected with an external fixator, like holding it in place, and super wrapped up. And you know, I I was like I was pretty numb, I would say, from the drugs, I think. But I, my first sergeant and my captain, first Sergeant McKinley and captain Jenkins were standing at the end of my bed and they're like hey, you know, we've, we've come to present you with your purple heart. And so I'm like, okay, you know, thank you, they, they go through and they read everything and they give me a purple heart. And I'm like okay, so where's everybody else? Right? And in that moment it all came back to me. Um, sergeant, uh, first Sergeant McKinley had a tear like on his face and I just knew that they're gone. And it just crushed me.
Speaker 2:I was I was the youngest in my unit Um, you know, three of uh, two of them had kids. Uh, all four of them had a what I considered a brighter future at the time. I was devastated. But they're like you know, all four of them had what I considered a brighter future at the time. I was devastated. But they're like you know, we have to fly you to Balad for a blood transfusion and then to Langstuhl, germany, and then you'll fly back to Walter Reed. And so I flew to Germany and, you know, all I remember is like looking at the roofs when I was in an ambulance or however. They moved me and thinking those look German. That's really all I have of Germany. And so when I flew back to the US, walter Reed was going through the chaos of being overpacked and all of that public pushback from their issues, and so I actually said, if you'll send me back to Fort Campbell, I would love to get back to my unit, um.
Speaker 2:And so I got transferred back to Fort Campbell where my high school sweetheart was waiting and smoke Hayes' wife was waiting and Floyd's wife was waiting, and they were with, you know, in the hospital with me, um, smoke Hayes, his wife Kathy, you know she was visiting Barrero, the guy that was in the truck with her husband when he was killed, and Barrero and I were only a couple of rooms apart. So we would try to talk to each other as often as we could. Floyd had told Deidre, his wife, to take care of me so she would sneak me chicken, nuggets and stuff. But I, you know, I, I wasted away. I went from 186 pounds to 123 pounds. Uh, I, I couldn't do anything. I was in, you know, incredible pain, incredibly depressed. I didn't want to eat. I, just I, I was really. If I could have willed myself to die, I would have at that point. Um, but I, I was lucky in that time to have my high school sweetheart there who took care of me and slept next to me in a chair every night.
Speaker 2:And, uh, the morning of December 10th, uh, 2005,. Um, I get a phone call, like really early, and the nurse comes in and she's like hey, you know, deidre's on the phone for you. And I was like, oh, okay, and I answered the phone. I was like hey, Deidre, what's up? And she just screamed into my ear they killed Floyd. And so then, the guy who promised me I'd get home and save me, he was shot by a sniper relieving Grit Savage early from watch Right, and that destroyed me. I mean, obviously it destroyed me. Now you can see it, my whole demeanor changes. I can't.
Speaker 1:None of it makes sense, Floyd.
Speaker 2:yeah yeah, right. So if you, if you want to get religious about it, like, what is your plan there, god, please explain it to me. Yeah, because if the if, if, there's supposed to be some justice and who gets to live a long life, this isn't it. And, um, that was when I, I, I lost that, that edge. I didn't want to kill anybody, I didn't want to fight anymore, I didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to be left alone, you know. And so I had to learn to walk again, and so I went from, uh, a wheelchair to walker, to crutches, to cane, through the whole thing and, uh, it was excruciating, it was awful. You know, I, I couldn't curl a five pound weight when I got out of the hospital, um, uh, but I was again.
Speaker 2:I was lucky to have an incredible uh support system, right, um, michelle, my high school girlfriend at the time, her, uh, her brother, is to this day my very best friend. I call him my heterosexual life partner, brian, um, and, and so, you know, between Brian and Michelle and Brian and Michelle's dad, rick, I was, um, you know, I had the people that I needed to get through that. Um, my family was great, but, you know, family is always more complicated.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's a nice way to put it.
Speaker 1:And I don't want to, I don't want to keep taking you back to this, but you can talk about it. What strikes me is that a lot of times we we wonder why them and not me, right? Why did? Why did that guy lose a leg, or why did that guy die, or why did that girl get crushed, or whatever it?
Speaker 2:was so Greg was blown into six pieces. He'd asked me to drive. Yeah, I should have been driving Now. Had I been driving, maybe I turned a little differently and everything changes anyway. You don't know, but you can. What if that shit to death?
Speaker 1:Well, and so I think the way I look at that stuff is everything that's happened to us brings us to the point in time that we're at right now, you and me sitting here having this conversation. So when I think about the people, when I think about the people who got hurt doing what I asked them to do, yeah, um, that's always very hard for me, but when I when I think about those situations, I think that part of it is those people who went before us were put there so that we could get here for whatever reason, right, and that's always kind of helped me through it.
Speaker 1:Not, not, not that it not that it's placating, but it's like. It's like the guy said I'm going to get you home alive. He never said he'd get to get himself home alive Absolutely true. So somewhere in there his job was to make sure that you got home.
Speaker 2:Well, I um you know, I came to find out years later that everybody else in my Humvee had the premonition that they would not be making it home and had told that exactly.
Speaker 2:I even refused to make a will because I said it wasn't an option Right. And you know others had called home and said I don't, I don't know if I'm going to make it, and that like again it. Just you know others had called home and said I don't, I don't know if I'm going to make it, and that like again it. Just you know, if there's, there's a destiny and it was preordained. I wish I would've got the memo.
Speaker 1:Right, that would've been great, right. And so it's a whole like other philosophical discussion about, about all of this, but there's always so much guilt for for the people that come home in one piece. Yeah, all of this, but there's always so much guilt for for the people that come home in one piece, as opposed to people don't come at all or come home in several pieces. And so you know I, I know you had a long recovery and it wasn't just cause your foot. There's a lot of other stuff going on.
Speaker 2:So what was that like for you? I mean it right. So if you, it was hard because I was young. The men that I looked up to most in the world were all dead and I was on methadone, prozac, xanax. Then they moved me down to Oxycontin because that helps. Then they moved me down to Oxycontin because that helps. I went through all of the drugs and I was cutting my fentanyl patches open and eating it. I was snorting my Xanax. I was doing everything I could to be as numb as possible, and so my friends and family, they all know it now. My friends and family, they all know it now. But from 2006 till when Obama got elected, I don't really know what happened. I worked at a jewelry store, I dated a girl, I lived in Florida, but I don't really know. I was so lost and just trying to survive the day that, um, I wasted.
Speaker 1:I wasted some good time, but it's like a culminating event that made you finally get your shit together.
Speaker 2:Yes so.
Speaker 1:I mean if I'm, if I'm getting ahead of us.
Speaker 2:I don't want to do that, but I'm like, okay, you're totally fine.
Speaker 1:Cause I'm looking at this guy. He's got his shit together now, so something happened.
Speaker 2:Thank you, um, I'm glad that you believe that. So I 2008, right, so I moved back to I lived in Florida for a minute with a girl and it didn't work out, and I moved back and I ended up getting back with my ex Michelle and we were living together and I was still struggling. She struggled with my PTSD, which I completely understand. And it was just, we were young and we were holding on to who I was when I was in high school and that kid was long dead, right, was long dead, right.
Speaker 2:And so, um 2000 and 2010, um, michelle and I broke up and I I went into a bar and the bartender, uh, she was hot, um, she, she like leans over, you know, the cleveland shot and she says what can I get you? And I kind of like stuttered through, saying a budweiser, I was like budweiser, and we talked for a few hours and then I left and I didn't ask her for a number because I'm super bashful, and I went back again and we had the same thing and I didn't ask her for a number, and so she was convinced I was gay, right, um, but I took a friend of mine with me one time and she like facilitated the conversation and we ended up hanging out with this girl and, uh, her name is Brianna, and so we, um, uh, brian and Brianna. It's gross. We um, there's not even a good name to make out of it no, exactly, we went to, um, uh, we went to Denny's and like talked for hours and she was like, yeah, she was like, hey, this was great, we should do this again before I move.
Speaker 2:And I was like, well, where are you moving? And she's like I'm moving to New York city. And, uh, so we saw each other every day until she left and then she moved and I couldn't handle it. I mean, every weekend I was driving 10 hours to New York to see her and then I would drive back to be back I was selling jewelry at the time to be back at the jewelry store by Monday and 45 days in to us dating. I proposed I drove out to New York. I actually called my friend and I was like, hey, do you want to do something crazy? And she's like are we going to New York? To propose. I said, yes, we are.
Speaker 1:So I just want to say it's not lost on me that you took a page out of your mom's book.
Speaker 2:Well, it's right. Also, like I very much live in the moment because of everything that happened.
Speaker 1:Well, because that moment can be gone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, I mean my mom not not only my mom, but like when you talk to people who have been married for 50, 60, 70 years, they knew immediately Right. And I was like, yeah, I know immediately, not understanding that people have trauma and all of their own things and their own issues. And maybe I'm not actually healed from my PTSD yet, Maybe I've just been ignoring it for years.
Speaker 1:Maybe I just need a little adrenaline in my life, exactly you know what would be great? Something to marry me, yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:So I move out to New York City and I started working security right next to the world trade center, which was cool. Um well, the world trade center site, they were building the tower. Um and um, a friend, my, uh, brianna's friend was like hey, you should be a personal trainer. And I was like okay, and so I used my GI, but that was literally it. I wish there was more to it, but I'm being totally honest.
Speaker 1:I was hoping for a really good story, but okay, I'm getting screwed here, that's fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So, trust me, the story gets good. So, um, so I used my GI bill and I went to the American Academy of personal training, uh, which is in union square in New York, and, um, I graduated and I got hired at a gym called Equinox. And before I ever went in there, a buddy of mine was like, hey, I just got hired at this boxing gym and I was like, well, I don't really know anything about boxing. And he was like, yeah, but they want to meet people, so how would you come with me? So I went in there and I met the owner, alberto Ortiz, and then the general manager at the time, a guy named Lenny Adamo, and I was instantly hooked. Lenny and I were like we got along great. He was the only other country music fan that I knew in New York and I lived in rapid, so I love country music.
Speaker 2:At the time and you know I I was like, yeah, I want to do this. And so, Alberto and Lenny, they started teaching me everything that they knew, you know, and I started working on what they called staff development and just really learning to box. And, you know, I had a rib broken and my nose broken, and but I loved it. And then one day someone quit and Alberto was like I need you to go teach that class. And so I went in and taught. And Alberta was like I need you to go teach that class. And so I went in and taught and the minute that I walked in, all of those drill sergeants came back. All of the trauma was like ready to be released, and I just went, ham, and I always say Trainer Brian is one of the most intense people you're ever going to meet and I will scream in your face and then I'll lean in and whisper something super motivating to you personally and I just I've always loved it.
Speaker 2:I've always found for me, the gym was the escape. After you know well how do I deal with this anxiety and this rage and this pain, uh, from Iraq? Well, for me it was working out. Like I said, I couldn't curl five pounds when I got out of the hospital and I weighed out, you know, 123 pounds and, and today I weigh 250, but that's because, uh, I don't work out as much as I used to, but like I was sitting up right around 200 to 215.
Speaker 2:Um, and so, just rebuilding my body, I realized how, how important fitness is for you mentally as well. And so for me, it was always really fostering that relationship between physical fitness and the mental aspect of it. And so, um, bree and I, um, I start, I start working at work, train, fight and Manhattan, and in manhattan, and um, I come to find out that my fiance has cheated on me, and so I I'm like ready to leave and, uh, we're fighting a lot. And then my dad comes to town and we take him to a yankee game and we're getting beers, and brie goes to drink a beer and she's like you know what, I don't want this. And my dad leans over and goes she's pregnant and sure as shit, she sure was. Um, so all of a sudden I have this new career, which is great, but I don't have a clientele yet. And I go into the gym and I'm like, listen, I need clients, I have a kid coming, I need help, and so they, you know, they threw me some clients, and I think that that motivation obviously was perfect for having to hustle as hard as I had to to build a clientele in New York City, which is a city full of shark trainers. So I think that being Midwestern and having a likable disposition, I think really helps. Also when people find out the injuries I've been through and what I've come back from. I think that really helped people connect with me as well, and so I was able to, you know, help the gym grow and grow, and when Gabe turned two, we didn't want him to be a New Yorker, so we came home Right, and we, you know, decided to try to make things work, but, you know, but like life goes, sometimes you can't fix things, and so we split up in 2015.
Speaker 2:And at that time, I was working at a couple of different gyms in the Lansing area, and I started dating one of my clients area, and I started dating, started dating one of my clients, and, uh, she was a wonderful woman, um, a little bit older than me, uh, and she was. She was great for me at the time, you know. Um, one of the things that she helped me do, though, was start to face my PTSD, and so we actually planned a cross country road trip to go to each one of the graves, and so we flew out to San Diego and went to Doc Holly's grave first, and then we drove to Inola, oklahoma, where Greg's family was, and I got to go scream and the release and the opportunity to say goodbye to these people isn't something that I'd had. So it was huge for me. And then we went to meet his family and I told them the same story.
Speaker 2:I told you and I apologized and they're like listen, he wouldn't want you to be miserable, he wouldn't want you to have died, and I know that. But I needed to hear it from them and it doesn't change that every now and then I still struggle with survivor's guilt. But to I was able to leave some of that on that road trip after I know oklahoma we went to uh, oh, man, it's called like chillahoe, west virginia. It is the podunk of podunk towns, backwoods of the backwoods. I, I mean, right guys, I, I I'm not like the darkest of black guys, but I was uncomfortable, yeah and and I we pull in and we can't really find the graveyard.
Speaker 2:So I see this like auto shop and this like big guy and suspenders, he's covered in oil. And I walk up and I'm like, hey, you know I tell my story right, because if you're scared and in the south, the first thing you do is mention that you're a veteran.
Speaker 1:So I explained quickly why I was there. That's a good tip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, it's a survival tip, and so I mentioned why I'm there and he's like, oh well, I'm the mayor and I was like this tracks. But he was like, actually, the top of the hill over there is where you're looking. And so I got to go to Sergeant Estep's grave. So I got to go to Sergeant Estep's grave and again, just the release of the pain and the opportunity to grieve and giving myself that space was was really important for me. After that we went to Savannah, georgia. It had like a nice vacation for the last couple of days and it was fantastic. After that we went to Savannah, georgia and had like a nice vacation for the last couple of days, and it was fantastic.
Speaker 2:I haven't been able to go to Roman's grave the guy, the gunner, who I was making fun of that night, because he's buried in Puerto Rico, right. So you know, I've been able to have some closure there and I think that that's really helped me progress and that's really all in thanks to my ex at the time, kim, and so we. You know, when we're on this road trip and we're driving across Arizona, I look over and I'm like I should just start my own gym, and in that moment it just made sense, and so we get back and I tell some of my clients about it, and one of my clients was very enthusiastic about supporting me and she went home and told her dad, who had the finances to support us, and we were able to get the gym off the ground and so I opened empower, lansing and 2018, and it was a boxing gym, a boxing and fitness gym. Um it, uh, it was the living embodiment of who I am. Um, you know, people always say that you shouldn't speak about politics at work. Well, the, the gym was a sounding board for for my beliefs.
Speaker 2:Um, the rule number one which I stole from work train fight was no assholes, and it really starts to. It sets the standard. You can believe whatever you want to believe, but you're gonna leave that shit at the door, right? You're not going to make anybody in here feel unwelcome, and so, for me, it was always creating a place where fitness really could be for everybody and not a no judgment zone, because I will give you shit if you're lazy. But you were always motivated, so we were always motivating each other, and it was the greatest community of people that I've ever known and probably ever will know. Um, we, uh, kim and I ended up splitting up. Uh, at the end of 26, I don't even know anymore. Or no, the end of 2018. Okay and uh, the girlfriends coincide with every life story, right?
Speaker 1:I'm detecting a pattern here. So I do want to ask those.
Speaker 2:So you have custody of your son, so we have, yeah, so we've never gone to court because we could write a book on co-parenting. That's awesome. So we basically have split custody. I would say she has him more because she's had more stability and because the gym required so much of my time. Owning a business is its own child, and so Gabe. You know, gabe loved the gym, and he got to hang out and listen to all sorts of unedited music and run around and what was a giant playground for him. So, uh, I'm really glad that he had that experience though, because he also got to grow up in an environment where he saw strong people look all different ways and and you know, I think that just really helps him as a person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can, I can see that. So. So you, you break up with Kim, right, and the gym still going still going strong, yep. So what happens now?
Speaker 2:All right, well, so I ended up breaking up with Kim. My fault, guys, I'll own that.
Speaker 1:It usually is it usually? Is it usually is right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I met one of my another, one of my clients, this wonderful, sweet Catholic school kindergarten teacher, um, her and I started dating and uh started going to church and I was a like. I was, unfortunately, like. The people I have dated have been the victims of my healing process, right, you know, and I think that that really happens to everybody. But you know, her and I start dating and things are going well, and then one night we're out, so, right, I'm, I'm converting to Catholicism, I'm going through RCIA now and we go hang out with some of her friends who whom I love also and we're sitting, uh, we're sitting, at an Irish bar and, uh, they say something along the lines of, uh, like, oh, yeah, I have some gay friends, but I know they're going to go to hell. And in that moment I was like, oh, I'm not at the right table. I don't want this. That's just not who I am.
Speaker 2:Emily and I break up in 2020 and COVID hits. I have a lot of clients at the time. My clients, sometimes our businesses, will you know, cross over, and one of those businesses that crossed over was I trained a massage therapist and when COVID started, she was like, hey, do you want to quarantine together. And I was like, yes, I do, yes, I do, yes, I do. And so you know, maggie and I quarantine together and start dating and we're allowed to grow and thrive in this bubble that is COVID, uninterrupted in a state with legalized marijuana guys that you really get to know somebody when you're quarantined with them, right?
Speaker 1:Because I was married to my wife for a few years before COVID hit, you really get to know that person living with. So I just wanted to get that out there. But yes, so marijuana is legal in Michigan and you're quarantining.
Speaker 2:So we're quarantining and we are getting to know each other and really well, we think the issue is when and there's a, there's actually like a term COVID divorces.
Speaker 1:COVID babies. Covid babies yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So we fell in love during COVID and so we're in this bubble where we don't have to experience the rest of the world together. Right, and you know it definitely throws you a curve ball later on, but Maggie and I are are thriving. George Floyd happens Right, and this is the first time where, as a black man, I've ever stopped to be like.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:I've never really been a part of my community and I didn't realize how many of the people in my life didn't even look at me as black. And so you know, like most people, with 2020 and everything you know, friendships were lost and friendships were made. One of the things that I did was I got on Ancestrycom and I went down a rabbit hole and I found out that my great great grandfather was a guy named Alexander Pearson and he was an escaped, enslaved man from Burke County, north Carolina, and he escaped and became one of the first black landowners in the state of Tennessee. And I went down to that land because his daughter, my great grandmother, opened a colored school in 1931 called Buffalo colored school, and there were still remnants of it. So I wanted to go there. Alexander's grave is also a protected marker in Tennessee, and so I went to his grave. Maggie and I went to his grave this is during COVID, so it's easy enough to go on a road trip and we went and found the cornerstone and we carried like 120 pounds of granite out of the woods and I got to go on this. You know, have this amazing experience. Then we went to the plantation that he escaped from, which is now a golf course called silver Creek plantation, but they they're dropping plantation because of the negative connotation. Oh, you think, of course, um, uh, but it, you know it, it allowed. I guess it, like a lot of people it.
Speaker 2:That whole period of time activated me as an activist and really I became outspoken Um, not just about civil rights, just about rights in general and just how important, as an American, it is to make sure that we're protecting other people's rights as well. And so that also mixed in with Empower and what I was teaching and what I was putting on the walls and what I was putting in the front window, and it attracted a lot of attention from the political movers in Lansing and the first ward in Lansing. The city councilman resigned and so they had to appoint a city councilman and so I applied for the job. I had made a lot of political friends through Empower because it was right on Michigan Avenue, right up the street from City Hall, and at that time I had to automatically start campaigning to keep the job. So I had one year of being a councilman, campaigning and running a small business and being married and being a dad.
Speaker 2:You were busy. Yeah, I underestimated how hard that would be. You know, one of the things to my credit and to my detriment is that I am tenacious and I'll always say yes and then figure out how to do it, and that's obviously. It comes back to bite you, and this time it came back to bite me. I ended up losing my campaign by 56 votes. I just couldn't knock on enough doors. I had to be at work, I had to be home, I had to take care of my marriage and I pick and chose what I thought were the most important things at the time, and it cost me the job. That being said, my predecessor, who I did not like, has done a great job and I'm really happy that he's doing so well.
Speaker 1:I got to ask you a question. I got to stop you for just a second. Hit me 56 votes. So here's my question yeah, would you rather lose in a landslide or by 56 votes? I mean, a buddy of mine lost by 18.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so that was more painful, but yeah, I would. Yeah, it was 56 hurt, um, but at least I knew that so many people supported me. It wasn't that I did a bad job. Campaigning is a job in itself and I'm not traditionally someone who's good at asking for help and because of that I didn't ask for door knockers. And when people were like, do you want help, I'm like no, I got it, but I should have you know, that's kind of a typical, that's kind of a typical veteran thing, right?
Speaker 2:there right, oh, I got it. That's kind of a typical veteran thing.
Speaker 1:Right there, right, oh, I got it. Don't worry, I can handle this, I've got it. I've got it. We got it Exactly, which lends itself to not getting better from PTSD and other things. Absolutely so it was a detriment to your campaign, but I mean 56 votes, you're right.
Speaker 2:That was close, yeah, and so people really wanted me to stay involved. Uh, but, as that ended, I realized that I'd taken my eye off the ball with empower and, um, you know, I, you know I'll own the fact that I was irresponsible, in the sense that I just was not focused enough on my business. And so now empower is in trouble and my marriage isn't thriving because I've been focused on all of these other things, and it's you know, it's not Maggie's fault, but we're now, we're now in this position where the gym is struggling. I lost the council job. You know what's next, right, and oh God, okay.
Speaker 2:So next was I get this Facebook message from a reporter and they're like hey, so I just confirmed with a source that you sent a nude photo to somebody. And I'm just wondering who you took it for, like who you sent it to on your city phone. And I'm like well, that's not true. And so I start calling, trying to find out what's going on. And, um, come to find out that my personal videos and it was at literally just a video of me like, I like shaved my head and I used my phone to check my head, but sure, yeah, I was naked. I'll give you that, um, but it had uploaded to the cloud, so it wasn't on the phone, but the phone it was on the cloud. And then when I logged in on that phone, it went to the phone, right. So the police like you know, they they looked into and they're like he did nothing wrong, but that that instance, I was like I don't want to do this, I don't want to be in this, like this was a mistake and it could have destroyed me, like this is, I don't want to do this. And so I just wanted to focus on the gym and getting the gym healthy and, you know, being able to reconnect with my wife and see my son more. And you know I really don't want to throw other people under the bus. But, long story short, the gym didn't end up staying open either, right, and so in October of 2024, the gym closed after five years, like just just under five and a half years, and that was, I mean, that was devastating to me.
Speaker 2:That was, that was honestly like losing a child, and I know that people who have lost a child would tell me that it's nothing like it, but I would say that people who've owned a business and have lost it would understand what I mean, Right, and you know my blood, sweat and tears and my personality and everything that I've been for this. It just meant nothing. It was just gone. And so I, I was lost and my marriage isn't doing well because, um, it's funny, the thing about marriage is you actually have to work on them. Yeah, yeah, you know it's work. It's wild.
Speaker 2:No one told me I thought, like we liked each other, it would just keep going that way. That's not how this works. So apparently you're supposed to communicate and reassure each other. And you know my wife, she, you know everyone has a history. And so you know, we, we definitely let things, we, we neglected things that we shouldn't have. And so now I, I've lost the council job, my marriage is on the rocks, I've lost the gym and I'm just this bum, I'm just I'm. You know, I'm 37.
Speaker 1:That's gotta be how it feels.
Speaker 2:I don't want to do that. I don't want to start over. I'm exhausted. I worked so hard and it was all for fucking nothing. And then reality it wasn't. I learned so many things and I met so many people and for me, empower saved lives.
Speaker 1:There were multiple people who told me that that the gym saved their life, that they were going to kill themselves, and our community helped them through that, and that makes it all worth it, um so if you, if you think so, if you kind of juxtapose this against your time in Iraq, right, yes, and I'm not making any of it look small, but when you think about the guy that said I'm going to make sure you get home and then he died, if you put that next to your gym, right, your gym made sure that some people got home and then it died, right, so it like served a purpose, yes, absolutely, and it just doesn't. It served a purpose, yes, absolutely. It doesn't serve a purpose anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that in order for me to grow as a person, for my marriage, for my relationship with my son, I needed to have a job and a lifestyle that didn't have me walking into the gym at 5 am and leaving at8 PM. Right, I just didn't. It couldn't work anymore.
Speaker 1:Great If you're single. Yeah, oh, absolutely I'm sure you'll stay single, but it's great if you're single, yep.
Speaker 2:And so, uh, you know I'm I'm home for months moping, feeling terrible about myself. Um, and during the, during the time that a power was open, um, one of the things that I've been really focused on was doing any fundraising that I could for the VFW national home. Uh, this, like you know, I've always credited this place with why I joined the military and why I, uh you know how I ended up becoming who I am, and so I had done some fundraising videos for the home and, um, in that time, you know, I met Sue Alverson, who is the uh, oh my gosh development director.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh guys, the development director.
Speaker 2:Also, my boss, um and Sue called me and she was like hey, I think that we have this position opening up and we would really love to interview for it. And so here I am. You know, I was really excited to, to be, to be a part of of where the VFW national home is going, because it has grown so much in the time that I've been watching it and and helping, and so now to be able to be here and to implement my own ideas and to use my own life experience and to help other veterans who are struggling, when I know what struggle is like, uh, it's, it's a gift, and so I'm, I'm really happy to be here, and here we are.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So it's good we talk about coming full circle. I mean it's it's really kind of come full circle. You're you're not a year out of having lost your gym. We're talking almost a year, but here you are doing this. So that kind of begs the question you know what? What do you think the future looks like for Brian Daniels?
Speaker 2:Well, I, I keep telling people that the national home saved my life again.
Speaker 2:You know, um, and you know my political aspirations are are not are non-existent, you know, and we'll talk more in the future about that.
Speaker 2:But what I can do here is is really change lives, and what I loved about empower is being able to impact people, and so I get to do that here on a daily basis, and I'm surrounded by other veterans who also care equally about making this place successful, and so, for me, I want to be here long-term.
Speaker 2:You know I've made no, it's no secret that I would love to be the executive director here someday, and that means I have to go back to school, according to the guy sitting across from me. So, uh, so I plan on going back to school and getting whatever I need to do to be able to be in a position where maybe someday I'm running this place, or at least a director, and I. I just want to continue to be a part of uh, of the national home growing and the um of the national home growing and the public awareness of the home growing and being able to implement new ideas, because this next hundred years is going to look a lot different than this last hundred years, and the people that it serves and how it serves, and I just want to be part of that.
Speaker 1:Those are awesome aspirations. So one last thing before we go, and I ask anyone who I interview the same question. You know, 100 years from now, when someone listens to this or someone that you share it with listens to it, what do you want people to take away from our conversation today?
Speaker 2:I think it's really crucial. What matters to me most, and one thing that I just try to live by, is I really want people to have empathy for things that they do not understand and people that they do not understand and struggles that they do not understand, because no matter what you've personally been through, someone's always had it worse. No matter what you've seen, someone's always seen worse. Someone's always seen worse, and so I would hope that people can just learn to take a step back and try to lead a life that has a lot more empathy than apathy, and I think that American society is naturally apathetic, and so I think that I'm you know, I'm working personally to fight that, because I think that people decide one day they're like I think this and I'm done thinking any other way, and then where's the evolution in that?
Speaker 2:How? At no point do I want to be a 60-year-old man who's like well, I think this and I'm done, and this is what I know. This is not real life. The world is constantly changing, so just evolve. Continue to evolve as a person. Allow the people in your life to evolve.
